My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
