I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
