but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
