there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
