haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You took a bar mat shot.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Randomize
