pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
