you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
