I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
