I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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