Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
