when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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