MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
