I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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