and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
