Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
