He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
