Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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