from now on my penis is your penis
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
