I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
