Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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