Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
