I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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