'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
