I'm lost and stupid without you.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
