Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
