I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
