her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
