He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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