Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
