What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
