Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize