and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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