Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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