Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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