I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
