I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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