If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
