I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
