if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
