Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
