We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
