the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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