So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
