You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I intend to get homeless drunk
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
