Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
