is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
