capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
