Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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