there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
