But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
