The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
