Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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