i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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